I went and redownloaded my tumblr that I only got for you. And I don’t even follow you I can’t find you anywhere.
I fucked things up between us. I murdered any possible chance at any type of relationship between us and I hate myself for it. You were literally my EVERYTHING. You were me first and I loved every second of it. I’m trying to talk to you but you hate me. And all I want to do is roll over on that little pull out couch bed and have you there and talk about our little pig and our white dog and white walls and the big windows looking over the Virgin Islands and in another life that’s where I belong. Right there with you. But I can’t because I thought I could never give up having my own babies. As much as I love you. You’re a girl and you can’t get me pregnant.
Now that it’s too late and there’s no way you’ll even hold a conversation with me much less be with me and it drives me crazy. I am crazy for you but I have to hide it. I finally deleted all those pictures of us I had to explain to my mom why you gave me back the Hawaiian shirt and why you don’t stay the night anymore.. and after things ended with us I immediately went into a lil depression where I didn’t even leave the house. And I confided in someone who I knew already knew everything. And nothing I’m saying makes sense but I’m sorry I fucking miss you and I want to be with you but I can’t have you and it’s driving me crazy. And I’m still sorry for everything